The boss is going to an auction for the weekend but while she’s gone Jane has like a million things to do before the trunk show. If you don’t know, a trunk show is like a pop-up store in your house. Oh, you don’t know what a pop-up store is? It’s basically when the shopping comes to you. No waiting in lines, or paying for stuff. It’s kind of awesome and you have to have millions of dollars to be invited to one. Anyway, it’s all happening at Gray’s home while she’s gone and there will be hell to pay if anything happens to that house.
In Jane world, big brother Ben is super duper excited to start at his new job teaching Sex Ed to Jane and her classmates. Oh boy, I cannot wait for that episode, as long as it doesn’t turn into a spec pilot for a Secret Life spin-off. Ben exchanges some sexually frustrated banter with the guidance counselor Rita Shaw. They are so about to get it on!
Meanwhile, Jeremy and India get a late start to school, I mean work, because they are busy diving right into bed with each other in the morning. Jeremy teases her as they exchange some more sexual banter until she jumps into the shower to drown out her sorrows over Jane becoming Gray’s new BFF.
Lulu’s day is not off to a good start. Her early morning ritual of seducing Billy in the janitor’s closet has been denied, then her BFF (a.k.a. teenage Alicia Silverstone) is all over her case for not having a boyfriend. They too exchange some sort of sexually frustrated glances until she’s called into the guidance office. It turns out Jane and Lulu are the smartest kids in school, literally, they are both ranked first in the class and are now fighting for valedictorian. Lulu puts on a cute face for the VP but then she turns around and just metaphorically stabs Jane in the heart, in more ways than one. The situation only gets more convoluted when a HUGE test is announced in PreCalc that could be the deciding factor between valedictorian and not quite valedictorian. Jane turns to Billy for help and being the dutiful best friend who’s banging the enemy he tells her not to worry to which Jane responds “Easy for you to say, she’s not all over you.” Great choice of words Jane, excellent really.
At work, Jerdia illustrate the adult version of Jane’s friendship with Billy. Seriously, Jeremy is totally India’s Duckie. Jeremy offers her some rational sane advice which goes in one ear and out the other. Instead, India chooses to sabotage Jane, of course because that’s what she does.
So remember last week when Nick was OBSESSED with Jane? Yeah, he’s not anymore. He actually wasn’t even in this episode, but, his relationship with Jane made an excellent allegory for the Billy/Lulu drama that’s going on. Jane runs off to continue stalking Nick leaving Billy to overhear that Lulu’s dad is going to rip her a new one if she’s not valedictorian. For someone who’s shit at golfing, this guy has insanely high standards.
Jane’s list assignment is not going well. Between Gray’s ridiculous demands and India’s sabotaging Jane’s day is not looking up. India marches into her office all high and mighty and offers her some more unsolicited bad advice to which Jane responds with a monologue about Gray’s undying love and gratitude toward Jane. It was all very odd but enjoyable nonetheless. India does not like monologues one bit so she messes with the invites to the trunk show. It is no longer an exclusive event but actually a rager.
Billy comes to Jane’s rescue by driving into the city to help her run her errands. They hit everything on the list. Billy even sacrifices some of his signature hipster headgear in return for out-of-season flowers. Lastly, Jane has to break up with Brad, who happens to be a naked model who lives with other naked models like they’re in some sort of ancient Greek bath house.
The trunk show is going expertly until Brad shows up wearing a bouquet of roses in order to get Gray back. Jane shoves him in Gray’s bedroom only to reappear and find out that the party has been infiltrated by dozens of party rockers. They love Gray’s house and the free booze. Carter, this weeks GBF is apparently terrified of people since, clothes are his only friends, so he takes off like a bat out of hell leaving Jane to get a million people out of the place. India arrives just in time to turn up the party. At Chez Quimby, Ben and Billy (why does every guy this episode have a name that starts with a B) are playing video games until, surprise! Jane needs Billy’s help so she fires up the BillySignal. He jumps in his Bilmobile and arrives just in time to play some classical music which instantly scares away the party rockers, that is except for India who seems to have some sort of May-December crush on Billy. By the way, did anyone notice lesbian Billy dancing at the party? I feel like this show has exceeded the fauxhawk quota this episode.
Jane and Billy get to work cleaning up the house sans India’s help since she’s passed out like a freshman pledge. Billy takes India home and sneaks out the back door just in time for Gray to storm in and find the place spotless. She’s not pleased though when she finds a little present in her bedroom: Brad. What I want to know is how the guy just sat up in her bedroom all night when there was a party going on downstairs. Unfortunately, Gray is not looking to rekindle her romance with Brad so she demands her Birkin back. I like to think that in Gray’s life a Birkin is her version of a brownie point. Right now Jane is at 0 Birkin points.
The next morning Jane is trying to learn PreCalc through osmosis by falling asleep on her book. She and Ben bond over being in high school together again and then she jets off to school so Billy can quiz her before the big test. I have to say, I am shocked that Billy didn’t wake up in India’s bed that morning instead because I totally got that vibe from them at the trunk show party the night before. Plus, that’s what the guys in Jane’s life do, they sleep with her enemies. First Billy + Lulu then Jeremy + India. I’m sure Nick and Lulu got together at one point in the past and it’s really only a matter of time before Bindia happens. Regardless, Jane and Billy are too cute for words up until she freaks out over Lulu who is totally going to beat her at valedictorian. Billy cheers her up by telling her that she and Lulu might have more in common than they think which only makes me think that they’ve both been to the party in Billy’s pants (hello, episode 8 plot twist). In PreCalc Lulu looks like she’s about to hurl all over her desk as she furiously scribbles down equations. She is even further nauseated when Billy smiles at Jane.
At work a hungover India yells at Jeremy. How dare she?! He is beautiful. Just as she tells him to bug off she utters “your ridiculous accent is hurting my head” which just perfectly explains how I feel about most people on most days. After Jeremy gives up on his attempt to cheer up India, he overhears Jane’s second breakup with Brad and misconstrues it as a signal that she’s single now, with some help from GBF Carter who spins it just perfectly for Jeremy to ask out Jane again next episode. Meanwhile, at school Lulu professes her undying love to Billy who stands up for himself and tells her to fuck off. Just kidding, he makes out with her to get her to shut up which is exactly what I do anytime anyone thinks it’s okay to talk to me about feelings.
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