Today Jane has chosen the perfect outfit for getting her hopes and dreams crushed once again. Donning a black and white geometric print mini with tights and a rocking studded jacket, she offers Billy shotgun. Just as he’s about to explain to her that he’s boning the spawn of Satan, they’re interrupted by Gray’s latest ramblings regarding the fashion empress of Japan. This phone call lasts the entire drive to school upon which Billy’s once again interrupted by Lulu who just cannot seem to keep it in her pants. She instantly marks her territory with a gross slobbery kiss on Billy which makes Jane just sick to her stomach so she bails. I feel you Jane, I feel you.
Billy chases after her like the knight in shining armor that he is. He explains they’ve been dating for a few months but Jane just can’t bear it. Unfortunately she’s got class with the latest power couple where they are discussing Wuthering Heights. Apparently these kids read a completely different version of the classic than I did because somehow it related perfectly to the Jane/Billy/Lulu love triangle and this entire scene has just become an allegory for their lives. Thankfully Mr. Teacher comes to my rescue and skips that lecture completely.
On the other end of the school Nick wanders into Ben’s office. They share some sort of male sports talk bonding type thing. Ben makes sure that Nick has his game face on and then Nick goes on about his life and his feelings. He’s got pressure from his parents, friends, teammates, pets, landlord’s cousin’s professor’s mom, etc. So Ben does exactly what I would do. He opens the secret door leading to Rita Shaw’s office and shoves Nick in there. Please note that Ben and Rita practically share an office. It’s only a matter of time before they break in Ben’s desk the same way Jeremy and India treat the Donovan Decker office.
At lunch Lulu introduces Billy to her friends Cam and Harper. For a popular girl, Lulu really has so little friends. Anyway, Cam instantly insults Billy who has a witty comeback and then Jane just stumbles over staring at Billy. He stares back. Then Lulu stares at Billy before giving him permission to follow Jane.
He apologizes again and Jane is more than understanding. Just kidding, she hates Lulu with the fire of a thousand suns. Billy’s rambling on about how he needs to her to survive because he doesn’t understand high school and popularity or why Lulu won’t let him touch her hair when they hook up (it’s the weave, dude) but Jane just shoots down those puppy dog eyes and walks away.
At the office Jeremy is literally hyperventilating over this Japanese woman coming to visit. Jane tries to help him calm down but she is far too distracted by Jeremy’s bowtie to get anything done. Once this Miyoko person arrives Jeremy wows her with his extensive knowledge of Japanese and by “wow” I mean he totally offends her and she is already one cranky biatch. She finds him patronizing and condescending. Jeremy’s next order of business if putting Miyoko in the capable hands of Jane. Her first command is to pick up some lunch but it has to be half-vegan which is just a synch. Jane rushes over to the half-vegan café on the corner and picks up three orders of half-vegan steaks.
Once Miyoko has inhaled a half-vegan dog biscuit she is just about ready to meticulously pore over Jane’s collection. She hates everything so Jane stumbles into Miyoko’s makeshift office and begs her to like the collection. Miyoko, whose accent mysteriously disappears for a minute is willing to give them another shot if she gets a date with Jeremy.
Jane comes home to find Ben practicing his sports sign language. He’s practically fluent but she’s just way too preoccupied with Billy’s love life to care. Thankfully, Ben knows all about Billy and Lulu since he spends his lunch break spying on the popular kids at school. You know, just like old times. Ben, like anyone else with an X chromosome, understands why Billy would keep Lulu a secret from Jane but he puts aside that rationality to play the dutiful big brother. They share one of those typical sibling heartfelt talks where anytime she says anything, he instantly already knows more than her because he’s king of the school, being the coach and all. Typical sibling stuff. He teaches her some more sign language which somehow solves all her problems.
Jane takes Ben’s advice and shows up at the baseball field where Nick is working out in jeans. I am no baseball fan but I’m pretty sure you don’t practice any sport in jeans. Regardless, he’s more interested in staring at her ass than hitting a home run, anyway. While balls are flying at their heads at 90 miles an hour he takes it upon himself to question her about the dance. She turns the tables on him and says he should have waited for her to come back. Then they schedule their next date at a time TBD but not before they finish this date which consists of him humping her while simultaneously teaching her to play baseball.
At school the next day Ben is super jealous of Nick teaching Jane to play baseball. He’s supposed to teach her that! He’s her brother. Then they get sidetracked by an episode of the Billy and Lulu show which is on display in the courtyard. Jane runs off to cry in the bathroom but Ben has an idea. He strolls into Rita Shaw’s office to insult her but also get some insight on what it’s like to be unpopular because he really doesn’t want Jane to end up a guidance counselor like Rita Shaw but then it just turns into some weird sexual tension thing.
In art class Lulu and Harper are talking about art porn. Then Harper reminds her that dating Billy means she’s going to be as unpopular as Jane. Lulu doesn’t care because she doesn’t let other people’s opinions get her down, except maybe her father’s. Elsewhere, Jane is done crying but she can’t get her locker to work. Billy apparates out of nowhere and pulls out his wand to do a quick spell opening her locker. He’s like “I miss you” but Jane just stares at him solemnly.
At work, Jane explains to Gray all the wonders of Jeremy such as his amazing knack for languages and his irritating charm. Jeremy instantly pops in with his irritating charm and convinces Gray that Jane needs to go to the dinner later with Miyoko. Jane runs to Carter who puts on a fashion show in her honor as is customary in any television show about fashion. She finally chooses the dress Jeremy custom-made for her out of a rooster and then she meets him for their date with Miyoko.
Miyoko is obviously fashionably late but her absence allows Jane to teach him some sign language and catch up on Miyoko’s wikipedia page. Jane hits a challenge when she can’t read the French menu but luckily Jeremy’s irritating charm comes to her rescue and he orders for her. Jane’s so impressed and even Miyoko can smell the sexual tension between the two. Meanwhile, Ben’s home alone digging through his old yearbook and smiling at pictures of Rita Shaw wearing headgear. Guess what she’s doing? If you guessed dreaming about Ben, you are right.
Billy stops by unannounced for an Xbox rematch against Ben who has to hide all of his high school memorabilia. Ben explains that Jane is out for the night but he is available to listen because he’s been taking notes from Rita Shaw. Billy’s worried about Jane but more importantly he wants to define the term “lie.” Then the two of them have a tea party while Ben doles out some more Rita advice.
At the French restaurant, Jane is having trouble with French etiquette, sign language, and fish. Finally Miyoko runs to the bathroom leaving Jane and Jeremy to get to it, which they don’t do. Instead Jeremy urges her to check on Miyoko. She heads to the loo and gives another one of her heartfelt monologues which no doubt reminds Miyoko of herself when she was young. Big surprise!
Jane’s next order of business is to challenge Miyoko to an eating contest at a diner. Jeremy is not impressed with diners or paper napkins or anything of the sort, because, if you don’t remember, he’s British and they are oh so proper. Anyway, then the most amazing thing happens! Nick is at the diner too! Yes, the same Nick from the baseball field and stuff. It’s all about to go down. First, there’s that animalistic look that Nick and Jeremy exchange where they telepathically tell each other to fuck off and Miyoko is just loving every second of it, but then, Nick’s date shows up making all of the awkwardness go away. Miyoko makes the wise decision to promote Jeremy’s latest design but he’s more worried about whether Jane thinks his charm is irritating or irresistible. She finds it to be a little bit of both. Once she’s gone Jeremy invites Jane back to his place and like the idiot that she is, she turns him down. Um, Jane, what the fuck?
Obviously Jane would rather go home to the coup de main that awaits her at Chez Quimby. She gets home and finds Billy on the couch waiting. She’s willing to forgive everything as long as he really likes Lulu, which he does so then everything’s sorted out and they’re friends again. Just as scheduled.
Next week Jane's going to Paris, Lulu and Billy will most likely break up again, Ben and Rita will continue to use the secret passageway between their offices to drop by unannounced, and Harper will continue to silently pine away for Lulu's heart. Also, Gray will continue to oversee the company from the television in her hotel room.
